IN MEMORY OF RICHARD ISAIAH
It did not seem fair at the time that God would take from me someone that I wanted so badly and I did not believe that the pain could be so great. The pain was so bad that I locked it away for a very long time and could not bear to look at it until several years later. It began to show when I had another early miscarriage due to a pelvic infection. I locked that away too because I felt I didn't have the right to grieve. Four months later I cried. I had been told I might never have children because I had such a severe infection. I was fortunate. I went on to have four successful pregnancies. Still, the pain from the first one particularly haunted me for many more years until I relived the grief. I still occasionally think about it like I wonder what he would have been like or what my kids would have thought. That is still the hardest thing in my life I have had to go through. Even the divorce. That was hard but not harder than losing a child. I have faith that I will see him someday. And the pain is much better now after many years. But it is true that it has taken time to heal.
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