IN MEMORY OF
RYAN CHRISTOPHER OR SARAH ELIZABETH CRITES
miscarried February 3, 1998.
by your Mommy:
This is the first letter I've even thought to write to you. We found out about you
the day before Christmas. What a JOYFUL GIFT from God. We had so many plans and
dreams for you. But God had another. Not just for you, but for your Daddy and me.
I don't know when I lost you, you absorbed into the placenta that was to protect you
while you were to live inside and grow in my womb. We were so excited about your
birth, that within six weeks of knowing about you, we already had names picked out
for you. I have had such a hard time in dealing with your death. I think about you
all the time, I just wonder what you would be like. I have had such a terrible
feeling of empty arms. I want nothing more than to hold you in my arms. To snuggle
with you in between your Daddy and me while we watch TV in the bed. You will ALWAYS
be a special part of me that I will NEVER forget. As a result of having to lose
you, I only have two prayers: That I will one day be able to hold you when I go
to heaven and that God will use me to minister to others who experience the trauma
that I have felt from losing you. I love you so much. I feel as if I am talking to
you now and don't want to end this letter. I know God is hearing the cry of my heart,
and I can feel the love of his arms around me now as I sit hear sobbing. It has been
so hard for me to be around other pregnant people. Both of your aunts are now expecting
babies this year. Thankfully, I was able to not cry at the shower I gave your aunt
Tammy on Sunday. It was hard, but the help of our Lord let me get through it.
Her baby is due in only a few weeks. Please ask Jesus to help me when the baby
arrives. I know you are there with Him. I have thought about buying you a few things,
in memory of you, the hope you gave us about having a child, being a Mommy and a
Daddy. Your Daddy loves you very much too, I really believe he handled losing you
much better than I did, but I think a lot of that has to do with his heart condition.
We could never replace you though, sweet heart. Mommy's body has been so messed
up since we lost you, and in the last six months, I haven't even been ovulating.
It seems so unfair, it is so painful. Losing you felt like someone forced a giant
hook into my body, stabbing me right through my heart, and using all force possible
to remove it all at once. I love you sweet heart, please know that. I promise I
would have been a good Mommy to you. Let the Angels of Heaven hold you close until
I can be there to hold you myself.